group assignments are things that pple usually enjoy. me too. but not when u have free-riders tagging along. i regret saying yes. when she asked if she could do the proj with me, i shd have just said no. afterall there are so many others who are doing it alone. and it is not as if i cant cope alone. why did i agree?!!

why did i agree to let her do the proj with me? asking the qn over and over again doesn seem to fetch me any answer. the thing is..is there a difference now that she's doing the proj with me? No. cos i'm still doing all the work and redo-ing all the work that she has done. i'm answering all the queries that she has..and she's typing down those words that i said into the report. in a condensed version somemore. when the ball is thrown to me, i'm the editor editing my work. this is downright dumb.

I am a perfectionist. or maybe she is the total opposite. when 2 extremes come together..thats the exact situation now. i appreciate the thot that she has..sometimes we say tt its the thot that counts..but when it comes to assignment, actions definitely speak louder than words!!

i am not saying that i'll be handing in an A-grade assignment..but i'm sure its wont be tt bad given the amount of effort i have put in. but what abt the free-rider?

i miss doing projects with ys. the mkting assignments, the HRM assignments, and the thyristor project. i admit i'm not always the one giving the most all the time, but i seriously did put in all my best in those assignments. just like the one i'm doing now. sigh...

I hate hall. YES!!! I'm saying this openly..I HATE NTU HALL5!!! It sucks. Read the email below. I know its long.

Dear successful applicants of Senior Hall Fellow discretionary list (AY09/10), It has been a great start to an exciting year! Hall 5 has come thus far with your contribution and participation. I am confident that we can go much further with your continued support.
Faking it.
The SHF list aims to promote hall activities. We believe that the successful applicants possess the initiative, talent and skills to continue with their contribution to hall. The various hall committees have started their recruitment drives.
This email was sent after their recruitment drives.

This is a reminder on the fulfillment of the contract terms in the SHF list for those who have overlooked the recruitment.
Below are the contract terms for successful applicants of the SHF list.Successful applicants will be subjected to fulfill 2 out of 3 requirements as follows:

i. Be a member and participate actively in any of the JCRC, Special Projects or Ad-Hoc Main Committees,
ii. Be a member and participate actively in a. JCRC subcommittee and b. One Special Project or Ad-Hoc subcommittees, or
iii. Participate in at least 3 sports or recreation games during the coming inter-hall games or at least 2 sports or recreation games with Cheerleading/Dance competition

Below are the available committees and activities which you can still join:
Dinner & Dance (Recruitment Drive : 15th & 16th September)
JCRC Sub-Committee (Recruitment Drive : 22nd & 23rd September)
Overseas Expedition Committee (Recruitment Date To be Confirmed)
Cheerleading
Colours Award Board Committee
Quintsical Production Sub Committee
Freshmen Orientation Camp Sub Committee
Inter Hall Games

Appropriate course of actions will be taken in the event that the contract is not fulfilled.
Yah, to get kicked out of hall. THIS I UNDSTD!
The Senior Hall Fellow, Hall Fellows and JCRC value your participation greatly and we look forward to the exciting prospect of working with you to push Hall 5 to greater heights!
The only way to be pushed to greater heights is to move next to SAO.

All sorts of shit. When you go down for the interviews, those big-headed pple tell u "Oh, there are a lot of potential members from the freshmen..so I hope you undstd."

I DONT UNDERSTAND!! Whats there to undstd? All i undstd is that, there they are telling you to join those comms, and there they are rejecting non-freshmen. WTF! QP, DnD. Look at this yr's JCRC. There's no one in there who's older than a yr2 student. And Chris had the cheek to ask me to join back as a Havoc programmer. To hell he goes.

I am angry..if you still cant tell from my tone. And i'm tired. All the fcking shit abt joining hall activities amidst so many other academic stuff. Now is not tt i dun wanna join. The fact is they only wanna freshmen!

The 4901 project is killing me. Working with a 'handicap' is not easy.
Same goes for next wk's quiz.
And I still have to be busy wif 2nd sis's wedding.
And the IA stuff leh?
And my stupid handphone which hasnt been behaving lately.
And I am very very tired.

We always talk abt choices..choices to eat what we like, do what we like, live what we like. But sometimes its not up to us to choose. It seems like the not-so-impt stuff havent been very successful and smooth-sailing since the start of school. Things were taking place at the speed of light while i was still happily in lala-land, painting rosy pictures of what things are going to be like. Well, since it has already happened, then what more can i do? I'm not left with a choice apparently, if you count accepting the facts or harping on them as an option.

I dun like the way things are "spinning" around me. It is an apt word, cos i get dizzy and confused as the things spin. And the feeling sucked big time.

Its just the beginning of the sem, and things are getting messy. Its up to me to get my mind set on my goals and be ignorant of the things happpening arnd me.

Whats been wrong with my browser..somehow it just doesn't display blogger correctly.

There are things that i dun say. Cos i dun think they are worth bringing up. But that doesn't mean they dun exist.

Pple say they undstd me in a way similar to pple judging books by covers. 99% of the time, those pple are right..but there's still that 1% probability that they may be wrong. I dun mean to keep things to myself, but how is it that pple can undstd how i feel when they're not in my predicament? Bullshit to the empathies and sympathies.

Being hurt time and again is as good as being stabbed at the same spot over and over again....the wound should not be touched cos just when u thot it has healed, it starts to bleed again. It may take eons to fully recover. Or maybe it wont recover at all? I don't know.

Until my heart is dead, the one holding the knife is never convicted for murder. To him, a mere word of "sorry" is his penalty for inflicting pain and injuries to others. But to me, he has gotten away scot-free....

Ion, anion, cation. What would you wear to one of the buzziest shopping malls in town?

"Please flush after use"
"Please do not litter"

These are 2 examples of the signs one can find in NTU campus. I can't help but wonder if such signs are meant to be insults to the intelligences of us - undergrads at least 19 of age. So we've all learned about demand and supply in Econs. And why is there a demand for such signs in the 1st place?

I was stuck in a $1-dilemma. Shd it be OCK curry puff, sotong onstik, chicken wing, buns from Q bread or mashed potato from 7-11? Would it be better to top another 50cents for a cup of honey green tea?

Conclusion: I'm a glutton.

school is starting in less than 12hrs time..one word to describe how i'm feeling...SIAN. this is wat i call the pre-school syndrome..even retail therapy fails to be an effective cure. perhaps t1, tmall and c sq are too boring for us le..but i think far places like far east wont be much better off either. i hate the feeling of going into shops and having nth to buy. i even hate the feeling of tiredness as we walk in and out of the malls for many many times cos we are too nua and forgetful. LOL

i saw gy on my way to meet GG1 just now. i spotted that hall tshirt from afar. but there was just insufficient time for me to do anything but to just walk past him, with our shoulders barely apart. i avoided his glare, but i'm not sure if he saw me. and i dun care. i dun undstd why i shd be avoiding him..but somehow, i've been so disgusted by his behaviour and attitude that it really made me stay away from him for the rest of my life. its just so sickening that there's a possibility that i might see him in hall.

as for tmr..or maybe a few hours later, i've got my notes printed, pencil case packed..and OH! my specs!!! yet to collect my keys and clean up my room and move in and blah blah blah. argh!!! i just wanna stay home!!!!!

Convocation is a ceremony, a formality. But it is one with the most dignity and meaning, cos it takes a lot for one to put on that blue gown. Looking at all the smiling faces of the graduates, i could really feel their joy and happiness within. 2 more years and I'll be like them. My parents would too be in the big audi to witness that very handshake with the dean which marks the official end to my academic life. Would I be happie to part with that lil' bit of happiness that i ever get in my school life? Parting with all the friendship made during the 3.5 years of study..parting with the excuse of not being a responsible adult..parting with all the fun i got in camps and hall life? Will i still be as happie as i thot i would be? It might be too early to say anything now, but one shd never estimates the speed at which time flies.

**********

Last night I joined the Reapers for dinner @ NY NY, thou I was too full for any food. LOL. Its funny to see how they settled that bill of 200+++ bucks. Nobody refused to pay 1st, cos they think that that is a lu-gi business. So there they sat for some 30mins, thinking of ways to collect the money. It was hard to split the bill cos there were pple who ordered just some side dishes, and some who ordered very heavy main courses. Nobody took the initiative to take out their wallet to pay for their own shares; instead they were chanting some stupid "thank you cheer", thanking imaginative pple who were going to treat them. I thot that was a sickening thing to do, even if it was just a form of joke. Cos it implied that they really had the intention of not paying for their own meals.
Horrible pple with horrible thinking!

After dinner, everyone adjourned to the roof terrace of Esplande to talk cock. I felt it was a lil bit of a wasting time, but i didnt voice my opinion. It was a torture to see and hear Kang Cai. I have nv seen such a BHB cum despo JERK. It angers me to hear his sickening voice. Cos apparently nth of the least bit of decency comes out of his big mouth. Thats when I decided to end my misery by going home early. Cos i knew if i dun, sth nasty might just come out of my mouth.
And I've decided that in future, its either him or me. If he's gonna turn up for any outing, then i'm not going-just like today's outing. Cos I dun fancy making myself unhappy.

Camp Insinyur ended. A camp filled with joy, laughter and tears. All I can say is that comparison is an evil tool..the more u compare, the harder it makes life. I wouldnt have shed those tears, if I hadn't taken things so seriously, if I hadn't compared Reaper with Gimli and Nova. Why..pple are all different..how can I ever expect Insinyur 09 to be the same as Insinyur 08 or 07? I felt so foolish when I was motivated by those pple whom I labelled as ungrateful and insensitve, to stay on instead of going home..it shouldnt be that way. Was that what people called Responsibility or Passion?

Now that camp is over..I have the exact same feelings I felt in me last year, to join back as a GL once again. I dun wanna make any rash decision..because I know there's a possibility I might regret..just like how I felt before I went for the camp a few days ago. But from the bottom of my heart, I really wish to be there again.

Though Terence and Colesty were not the best partners one could have, I am touched by what Terence did for me. I felt bad when he fell sick because he was taking care of me the entire night before.
I am glad that I made many new frens, including my self-declared SP.

Is there any basis for me to join back Insinyur again?

Insinyur camp le..sian. there're only 2 main reasons for hating camps:
1. no proper sleep or place to sleep.
2. to have to carry days of clothes and dirty clothes..and all other barang barangs.

After that will be hall camp. there's no way to getting out of that camp, unlike the coming one. and to make things worse, there's that stupid guy in hall camp. i hate it when he feels that he's still the CP and gives f-kingly irritating looks like "based-on-my-experience-i-think-this-is-right-and-hence-u-shd-listen-to-me" kinda look and "i'm-the-ex-CP-so-i'm-different-from-other-seniors" kinda look. Seriously, just those 2 looks ought to fetch himself lots of slaps and punches, curses and swears.

Egoistic men ruin pple's lives.

to curse and swear. of cos i have reasons to.

1.guoyuan has no intention of letting me go and letting me off. he even had the cheek to ask me out for a Harry Potter date. STOP DAYDREAMING.

2.camps are coming. sian..far far accommodation, no sleep, no nice bed, mozzies, stupid activites..what a waste of time. i think i will make myself stay away from camps in the coming year. they are too smart for a stupid person like me. or vice versa.

3.i may be a bridesmaid. BUT i'm not a maid.

4.my stupid driving.

5.and that stupid thyristor project.

YEAH!! 2nd sis and Kurt have returned from their 2-weeks Tuscany and Belgium trip and they have bought my favourite pastry/biscuit..whatever you call it. 3 boxes somemore! i felt so touched..cos she actually rmb what i like..and the fact is that pastry/biscuit is not commonly found in NTUC supermarkets, and its not very cheap..so I seldom buy it. Haha.

**********
Tuesday is my driving test. OMG! I think i'm likely to fail. Not that I have no confidence..but the thot of each and every single component in the circuit...I really cant see why I'm gonna get out of it alive.

The slope-that killer #1. Its so steep!!! the feeling is scary when you are just at that white line. I recall having a nightmare abt having to drive up an almost vertical slope. All thanks to the phobia that that stupid slope left on me.

The parallel parking-killer #2. Maybe it was due to my inability to do sit-n-reach..its not easy to turn ur body and look at the rear window and have ur hands controlling the steering wheel, have ur half-trembling left leg controlling the clutch and have ur right leg alternating b/w the brake and accelerator. And i hate to see the stupid poles behind sway and eventually fall onto the ground. Thou that didn't happen, its a fair game of luck. May good luck stay with me on the day of the test.

Kerbs-killer #3. The S-bend, the crank course, the 3-point turn, the parking..mount it and u are dead. The question is: where in the circuit do u not find kerbs?

Double white line-killer #4. Having died there the last time, there should be no reason for me to get bitten twice. But still it depends on the situation. There are double white lines on the road just outside CDC too.

With the 4 killers (and maybe more) lurking around, tell me, whats the probability of not meeting them all?

Whoever dares to tell me driving is easy..i might just strangle the person, cos I'm sure every single driver (newbie/experienced) would have gone thru the learning stage, the test stage, and the greenhorn stage. And it is impossible, i dare to say, IMPOSSIBLE for them not to feel stressed at all, at every single point in time, with the presence of these 3 tough stages. I'm sure GG1 would agree with me.

**********
Just a while ago, i met KS to pass him his notes and we chatted for an hour. The main point was, i didn't bring keys, so poor mum couldn't go and bathe cos she was afraid that I would come back anytime. So she actually waited for me for an hour! She could have showered and went to bed. I felt soOO guilty. and i think KS was tired too..but i was waiting for him to say that he need to go back since his mum called to ask where he was already. BUT HE DIDN'T! and he continued to carry on the conversation! haiz..it wasn't just my fault only leh..i hope he didn't get a scolding from his parents and if he did, i hope he didn't push the blame to me. BUT well, the mouth is his, he's entitled to say whatever he wants. But i'm very sure this would not happen very frequently. SORRY MUM!

how often do you find a fren who thinks and laugh in sync wif you and cant stand the same kinda people as you?

this morn i finally met up wif SH for bfast. nth fantastic abt a McDs Big Bfast..but it was the time spent that was meaningful. Everytime we meet, almost w/o fail, we meet at the same place, eat the same food, talk abt the same old stuff..and we laugh at those old stuff over and over again. why..its been so many years and when u recall ur old sec sch jokes..they are as funny as ever.

we went to cotton on - our must-go shop in the mall..and we stood in the middle of nowhere @ tamp1..chatting, gossiping, waiting to bump into pple we might know, laughing at people who log on to msn and leaves a personal msg/nick like "in a bad mood..dun talk to me"..and looking out for funny people such as people wif ADIDA or ADIDAAS shirts or a man in a green 'Ralph Lauren' tee walking back and forth right in front of us for 4 times.

its just so..like us..like what we used to do many many yrs ago. Haha. I look fwd to the next Bfast meeting..probably when Xmas nears :)

i love my 空虚 life! :)

staying at home is boring. but going out is tiring, esp when the weather is so sweltering. it rhymes huh! LOL. 空虚 was the exact term i used to describe my life to my mum when i was lazing arnd wif gou gou this aftn. haha. but isn't this just the ideal kinda life?

when sch/camp starts..i'm gonna miss the kinda life..when u wake up in the aftn, knowing that u have nth to do..no deadlines, no tutorials, no lect notes to revise, no quiz..just nth. u wake up to eat, to laze arnd doing nth, and to slp afterall (u cant slp if u havent woke up). u wake up basically for nth! Haha. and that was the exact stuff that i have been doing since my return, including some occasional driving lessons and meeting ups. but more or less, its lidat.

one fren asked if i'm gonna just rot the whole holiday..i'm proud to reply..why not?! how many long holidays have i got to rot? next may-jul i'd be doing IO..and the one after the next, i might be joining the hectic life of working already..i wanna treasure the rotting kinda life i lead now, cos i've been yearning for it and i bet i'll be pinning for it soon. hahahahah :D

anger..grr!!!

of cos i was! Today I met the pettiest guy on Earth and it seems like i had underestimated the power of a guy's pettiness. deep down inside when last nite, he insisted that i join him for today's lunch and dinner, i had foreseen there would be some probs wif the outing. i could tell from the way he spoke, the way he behaved..he was probably a rich spoiled brat. perhaps a mild case. but i was surprised..it was more than just being mild.

i'm not a rich man's daughter and it would probably make my day if i pick up 2 bucks on the floor.
whats wrong with a small room for 4 when it was meant for 4? i didn feel my comfort being compromised.
whats wrong with bringing your own water if it saves u the trouble and money of buying drinks? i'm sure many of my frens would love it.
whats wrong with 3 gals being close frens and asking another guy to go out tgther? i mean if u are the guy, u shd have known how close ur frens are. but if u dun, at the very least, u shd be gracious and gentlemen enuf to ignore those nitty gritty stuff right?
but there's sth wrong when a guy doesn't behave or act or pretend to be gracious and gentlemanly and to walk out on people just lidat!!!

i hate it when guys do things that contradict their age...just got rid of one, and there comes another one. perhaps its gotta do with his upbringing. and i cant fathom why the best people did not have the best characters. had they no money for the best education and upbringing huh? i've never been fed with the best rice using the best spoons..so i dun ask for the best. but i expect pple to have the very least bit of graciousness, and for goodness sake-self awareness. to be aware of your own self. i think there's more than just a lil' bit of resemblance b/w him and Albert. LOL.

pettiness is reserved for the ladies. the men dun get it. got it?

SOMEONE told me that Alicia Goh has 名正言顺 became Mrs Lim and is even pregnant with Junior Albert or Alicia. I was so shocked. And to think the duo were on such close terms with 4E2. Sucks! Albert is our form teacher and yet he treats some other class so much better than his form class. I mean of cos I dun gv a damn whether he invites us to his wedding or not..but why the bias? Just becos we didnt give him Teachers' Day present on time? Or just because we didnt do as well as 4E2 did? But i thot none of the best students came from that class?

JUST 1 WORD: 贱.

I'm so inspired to blog abt this after reading my fren's blog entry some time ago.

I totally agree with her. To guys whom we have no feeling, no nth towards..why waste our time? Sometimes not taking any extra steps would be a big step towards each other's friendship. I was suddenly reminded of Mr VJ. I was silly enough to agree to go out with him that one and only time..and that one and only killed any chance that he might have as a friend or anything beyond..because he was SO BOOORING! I cant stand boring guys. I don't wish to be reminded of what happened that day, but I'm sure we would have stayed as much better friends if he hadn't insisted of my meeting with him.

What's love actually? I might understand whats love between mother and daughter, sisters...but what abt the boy-gal kinda love? Must we keep thinking of the other party whole day long? Must we worry for that person? Must we always show care and concern for that person? I dunno..but if the answer is yes to the above 3 questions..then probably the person has taken the place of my family member. Well it does make some kinda sense..maybe if i'm lucky enuf, my bf will be my husband and a part of my family eventually. But why shd we think so far? Isnt it too far-fetched to regard a bf who is an outsider as your family member? Shdnt there be the thin line of boundary? I'm confused actually.

How can a relationship sustain for so long? I see couples who have been tgther for years..have they been thinking of each other for years too? Isn't that crazy? I have a friend who once told me..its a matter of getting used to each other. But one can never get the same first feelings that they had for each other right? As the months passed..if they have gotten used to each other..then where's the kinda "special feeling" that exists between couples that pple have always been talking abt? Double confusion.

But I've come to a conclusion. I am not suitable to get into a relationship as of now. Cos i cant fathom the true meaning of love. I think its silly for me to think of anyone else other than my family members for life. And I think its ridiculous to stay with that one person the whole day long..I need freedom. I don't see the need for me to account to an outsider for everything I do or for any outing I have with anyone. I think its quite redundant.

I don't care about love actually, if I have always been enjoying my life without having that kinda love. I mean so what if you're tgther with someone..SO WHAT???

Still, all these apply ONLY TO ME and its not meant to offend anyone at all.

I'm BACK!!!! Ok i admit..there's effectively nth much to be excited abt..cos I've been back almost for a week. ANYWAY, i hereby welcome myself to be back home. And I'm definitely glad i haven't got swined. it was so dangerous!!!

I have been slacking literally, but mentally shag. In a way, i have been torturing myself wif all the late nite dvds, but that's probably the only time in the entire day that I would be free. I'm constantly tired..tired at the wrong time..not falling asleep at the right time and falling asleep at the wrong time. Haha.

majority of the 24/05 gals met up today! its such a relief that we are still us..it seems like we haven't changed much. Karen is still as lame and pinky, Lynn still as chatty, Geraldine still as close to me and still looks as blur, Von still as cool and stylish, Lela still as cute...at the very instance, i felt as if I've returned to the days in the tj canteen, having lunch with the bunch of gals and crapping. LOL. I really hope that our friendship will be this everlasting and we'll always remain like before..i wonder what it will be like 10 years ltr..

Went to the Canon IXUS shooting course prior to Karen's treat. Ha! I felt the course was..erm..they should have called it a course for the noobs. LOL. Why..there were aunties who lagged behind, who haven't taken their just-bought cameras out of their boxes, hence with no memory card and uncharged batteries..aunties who almost didn't know how to turn on their cameras and to delete their photos..oh well, if they had known everything, why would they be here right..BUT if they had known nothing, how did they manage to purchase such good cameras? A paradox isn't it. Everything was memorable and I've enjoyed taking the course with my sister..cos half the time, we were entertaining ourselves with all the jokes that we have created out of nth. The whole course was just so hilarious! Haha.

Greetings from Berlin!

I wanted to put sth up when I was in estonia and Latvia, but I was too tired to do anything beyond simple facebooking and checking of email. Traveling is fun, but its equally tiring. Especially with the heavy luggage..And so, I've decided that the last sentence that I would ever like to hear is "since you like traveling so much....."

i'm so very irritated with that big suitcase of mine..it weighed 7kg even w/o putting anything in. Tts so unfairly heavy. And I hate ryanair. I really regret booking that stupid airlines, because there were so many restrictions involved. And after all the taxes and additional charges, the airfare didnt seem as budget as it should be. I'm counting down to the day of the last Ryanair flight.

To think I still have 25kg of luggage with me (including the 7kg weight of the suitcase) after sending back home 9.4kg of stuff in Finland and 9.66kg in Tallinn. I wonder why there seemed to be more stuff now than that I came with. Hmm...
The 2 metropol(e) hotels were fine, and the apartment that I'm staying in now, is great too. I hope there are more good accommodations to come.

I didnt know Latvia and Estonia were part of Russia last time, and I'm so fascinated by the Russian Dolls that were sold in the souvenir shops. I was really so tempted to buy them, but I thot we already have 2 sets at home. They were more expensive than those sold in Russia anyway.

I have many many photos, but I'm so lazy to upload them to facebook. and I'm too tired as well. Its gonna be a long day tmr, so.....zzzz.....